Brotherhood and altruism: these are the building blocks of those long-term relationships that make life worthwhile.
So, do you have a friend in need of a leg-up in his love life? Or are you just trying to tag-team a night out on the town? In any case, you're going to want to follow these guidelines to get the most out of your wingmanning.
1. Understand the Role
First thing's first: like with any job, before you can do it right, you need to first know what part you need to be playing.
Being a wingman isn't just about playing matchmaker; it's about being a friend who is really there to help. This means putting your friend's interests before your own and taking a step back when the time is right.
A good wingman doesn't steal the spotlight, but frames interactions so that his friend is the center of attention. By understanding this role, you can create an abudance of value for your main man. And trust me: he will remember what you did for him.
2. Be a Master of Conversation
Conversation is, of course, the foundation of pretty much every social interaction. As a wingman, you need to master this skill. Start with simple questions and actively listen to the responses. Pay attention to the other person's interests and steer the conversation towards topics that resonate with everyone involved.
Using humor is a great way to keep the mood light. A good conversation can make or break a first impression, so mastering this art is crucial for being an effective wingman.
The bottom line is that you should use these interactions to have a good time for you and the buddy that you're wingimanning, not. Talk about what you want to talk about, make the both of you laugh, and show the world the chemistry that you two have together. Everyone loves a bromance want to be supporting characters to one.
The golden rule of influencing others is that positivity is contagious. Have a good time, smile, laugh, and let your abundance overflow so that everyone will want some.
3. The Power of the Right Introduction
AS mentioned above, first impressions count. If you craft your introduction well, it can be the springboard for the rest of the interaction with a woman being smooth and easy. Introduce your friend by highlighting their best qualities. For example, "This is Alex, he's a fantastic cook and he's the most well-traveled guy I've ever met. He's shown me half of Latin America." This creates intrigue and creates hooks for potential conversation topics. So the principle here is that your introduction should be a conversation piece rather than a list of things that you brag about.
Avoid self-deprecating humor from the start. The makes people uncomfortable and makes it look like the two of you are using humor to cover up insecurities, and that's not attractive. Once comfort is build, however, you can be more liberal with that sort of thing.
4. Pay Attention to Nonverbal Cues
Nonverbal communication speaks even louder than words do. As a wingman, it's important to read the room and understand body language. If your friend and their potential match are leaning in and making eye contact, things are going well. If they're crossing their arms or looking away, it might be time to change your strategy.
Common nonverbal cues to keep an eye out for:
- Leaning in vs. leaning away
- Eye contact vs. a lack thereof
- Smiling vs. frowning
- Open vs. closed body posture
- Fidgeting hands vs. relaxed hands
If you see these positives or negatives, adjust your strategy accordingly. If a girl seems uncomfortable, stop pushing and give her some outs to exist the interaction and move on to the next girl. If she seems very comfortable, that might be a sign to let your buddy be alone with her so he can escalate physically.
5. Stay Positive and Encouraging
Positivity is worth mentioning again, in its own section. A good wingman is the most positive one of the bunch -- he exudes a fun and magnanimous aura.
Being a beacon of happiness draws others in and it makes them more open, and openness is exactly what a wingman is there to create. You also want to be a rock of encouragement for your friend. Save any minor critiques for when you're looking back and seeing how things went, but if he really makes a faux pas and is on the verge of making a fool of himself, you'll have to correct his course. But for the most part, focus on highlighting his strengths and reassuring him with a smile if he feels nervous.
When your friend feels supported, they’ll be more relaxed and more real with the new faces that you're going to meet. This will be reflected by everyone involved, leading to fun -- and fun for everyone involved is your goal as a wingman.
6. Know When to Step In and When to Step Back
Timing is everything in the art of wingmanship. Keep your eyes open to recognize when your friend needs help and when they can handle things on their own. If you notice them struggling to keep a conversation enthusiastically, jump in with a topic change or a light-hearted joke.
On the other hand, if things are going well, take step back and let your buddy take the spotlight. The goal is to give your friend the space to connect without feeling abandoned or overwhelmed. Remember: he's the main event, and you're just the opening act.
7. Use Humor -- Wisely
Humor is a great icebreaker, but it needs to be used wisely. A well-timed joke can lighten the mood and create a connection, but inappropriate humor can ruin the moment. Aim for light-hearted and inclusive humor that makes everyone feel comfortable.
Consider the following:
- Observational jokes
- Light teasing (when appropriate)
- Playful banter
- Silly or absurd humor
Offensive jokes should be saved for when you have a good read on everyone involved. Only be edgy if they seem like the edgy type, or if they're already extremely comfortable in the interaction. But in any case, avoid reflexively apologizing -- if they seem uncomfortable, don't say sorry, but redirect the conversation to a topic they'll be enthusiatic abotu.
8. Don't Push Your Friend
If your friend doesn't feel up for something, twisting his arm is not the right move. All social interactions need to be fluid and never forced. A wingman is there to facilitate what the wingmanned friend already wants to do, and perhaps to give him the gentle nudge that he needs.
If you're friend doesn't feel comfortable dancing, don't dance. If he doesn't feel like talking to a certain chick -- or any chick -- then chill out for a second and have a drink or just shoot the shit together and take a break.
A good wingman will set a good mood to put his buddy in a comfortable and confidence mindset so that he has the right mindset to go in and take risks himself. Help make that happen by focusing on having a good time together rather than needing to check any boxes or reach any particular goal. Focus on the journey rather than the destination, and things will fall into place.
9. Prepare for the Unexpected
If there's one rule in the world of romance, it's that anything can happen. This means that a wingman needs to be prepared for unexpected situations. This could mean carrying an extra phone charger for a dying battery or having a backup plan if the conversation stalls.
List of unexpected scenarios to prepare for:
- Awkward silences
- Unforeseen distractions
- Unexpected exits
- Unwanted attention
- Shit tests and insults
Part of being prepared is handling the unexpected with grace and mirth. Don't let an unforeseen event deflate your, just view it as part of the journey, as an obstacle that you'll both look back on with a laugh.
If you get a shit test from a girl -- a remark meant to deflate your ego or make you defensive -- make sure to pass it by showing that you're unfazed. To pass a shit test you should use one of these tactics:
- Agree and amplify: absurdly exagerrate to show that you dismiss her. If she says, "Are you always this arrogant?" respond with, "Absolutely, I even have a medal for it."
- Humor: Lighten the mood by turning her remark into a joke. If she makes a snide remark about how you're dressed, say that your mom dresses you.
- Ignore. Just act like you didn't hear what she said or do not care. Change the subject to something you want to talk about.
10. Reflect and Learn
After the night is over, take a moment to reflect on the experience. Discuss what went well and what could be improved for next time. Learning from each experience helps you become a better wingman, helps your friend become better in social situations, and helps the both of you build a stronger friendship.
Tell your buddy to share his thoughs and feelngs, too. Dating is a skill, an that means that every interaction should be taken as a learning experience.