The first step to winning at dating is not being needy. The next step after not worrying about needing the approval of others is making a good time for yourself. And once you’re having a good time, your date will have a good time, too.
Here’s how to focus on amusing yourself rather than pleasing her, and how to become your most attractive self in the process.
Be Curious
Start with questions that tickle curiosity and ignite dialogue. Forget the mundane “What do you do?”—dive into the delicious details of her last adventure or a book that changed her thoughts. Curiosity didn’t just kill the cat; it made the date.
Pick a Creative Date
Pick a venue or an activity that’s a little left of center. Art gallery sound too vanilla? How about a pop-up art installation in an abandoned warehouse? Or a nighttime market beneath strings of fairy lights? Unique settings spark unique conversations and make great stories.
Laugh It Up
Humor is your secret weapon and a universal glue. Don’t be afraid to share a story where you’re the punchline or to laugh openly at her jokes. Laughter doesn’t just lighten the mood; it tightens the bond.
Don’t try to inject jokes hamfistedly. Artificial humor doesn’t work. Instead you should pay attention to the wonder and absurdity of the situation around you, or just speak your mind about offbeat thoughts that you're having.
Be Present
Phones down. Eyes up. Be with her in that sliver of time you're sharing. It’s tempting to snap photos for the 'gram or text a quick reply to a friend, but the real connections happen when the screen is off. And don’t put on an act. Acts are for an audience, and you’re here to entertain yourself. Be your unashamed self, with all your quirks, neither exaggerated nor hidden.
Mix It Up
Predictability is the slow poison of passion; routine, its faithful accomplice. Mix things up mid-date. Thought you’d end dinner and go home? Why not grab an impromptu gelato and stroll through the city? Spontaneity can turn a good night into a great one.
An unplanned change of locations can really add an air of adventure to your date, and it’s a great way to build comfort.
Encourage Her Wild Side
Has she mentioned a love for salsa dancing or karaoke but never indulges? Be the nudge she needs. Leading in a relationship is usually welcome, and it shows that you listen and care. Don’t wait around for fun to arrive on your doorstep, be the fun. Take charge and bring the adventure to her.
Find a Challenge Together
Nothing builds a bond like a shared challenge. Escape rooms, trivia nights, a cooking class—tackle something neither of you are experts at. It’s about teamwork; and teamwork builds camaraderie quite fast.
Keep the Mystery Alive
Leave some things unsaid, some stories untold. Mystery invites wonder, and wonder keeps us coming back for more. Let her leave curious, a little more eager to peel back another layer next time. Don’t spill everything about yourself on the first few dates, and be comfortable with changing the subject with a smile if you want to keep that mystique alive. Remember: you’re the leader here, and you’re here to have a good time rather than to be an open book.
Encourages Reciprocity
When your date sees you engaging in activities that genuinely light you up, it prompts her to share more about what she enjoys. This exchange will build rapport and make your time together more memorable.
End with a Promise
Not a promise of undying love, of course, but a promise of more fun to come. Suggest another quirky outing, or a simple meeting for coffee. Make plans, even tentatively; it gives both of you something to look forward to.
Showing that you can enjoy yourself sets a positive tone for the date. It demonstrates that fun isn't something you need from someone else; it's something you bring with you and share. Fun is contagious and a fun-loving attitude pulls others in like a magnet. If you're having a good time, chances are she is too. After all, dates are the bookmarks in the chapters of our romantic lives; make them memorable.