How to Lock Down a Date on Tinder

Don’t be her penpal. Be her lover.

Dating apps are cool. Well, not really. Not at all, come to think of it. Nobody wants to be on a dating app, but everyone wants to be on a date.

So, how do we use dating apps like Tinder or Bumble to actually get dates rather than chatting away with no end in sight? Even if you have a good rapport going with someone, it’s not always clear when and how to go from chatting to locking down date plans with your match. These transitions are hard. Don’t worry: this guide tells you all you need to know.

Start with Something Interesting

To get a date, first you need to spark interest. That means that your messages need to be interesting. Statements or questions that invite open-ended answers. The more intriguing the better. The Wingman Convo Genius tool can help you out here.

  • "You look like a mix of fun and trouble"
  • "Your sense of humor is almost as good as mine"
  • "Your eyes tell me things about you"
  • "What’s something you’ve been obsessed with lately?"
  • "What are you [something from her bio that she likes and you’re also interested in]

Avoid opening with:

  • "Hey"
  • "How’s it going?"
  • "How was your weekend"

A bad opener isn’t a death sentence, but a good one can quickly get a girl feeling comfortable with you or intrigued by you.

Reignite Tinder Convos

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Keep it Short

As a rule of thumb, you shouldn’t send more than about ten messages to a match before asking for a date. Most people don’t follow this rule of thumb. Most people also don’t get many dates.

This is a flexible rule, of course, because some conversations involve a quick back-and-forth of short messages—in such a case, you can have well over ten messages. The rule shouldn’t be treated as a mechanical counter where you suddenly insert an offer for a date you need to find a natural, but as a goal to try to construct the flow of the interaction around.

Find a Hook

Asking for a date out of nowhere is the wrong move and will often result in your match ghosting you. So, you should go into your Tinder conversation with the intention of constructing the interaction so you can set up and take advantage of a "hook" – that is, a natural opportunity to ask for a date.

This step is mostly to get her number, rather than to lock in the details of the date.

Here are some examples of the final stages of a Tinder convo that introduce and take advantage of good "hooks."

Template 1: Asking if she likes a certain type of food

This strategy doesn’t require much setup. You can insert a question like, "do you like sushi?" or, "do you like mexican food" in most conversations once you’ve established a basic rapport.

You: "do you like sushi"

Her: "Yes actually sushi is my favorite"

You: "have you been to [good sushi place]? It rules"

Her: "No I’ve wanted to go" or "Yes I’ve been, it’s so good" ← This is a hook.

You: "Wanna go there sometime? What’s your number"

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Template 2: Using mutual interests

If the conversation has mutual interests, that’s an excellent hook to take advantage of. Here’s an example of an interaction with a match who says that she "loves horror" in her bio:

You: "What are your top 3 horror movies?"

Her: "Hmm, I’d have to go with the witch, original evil dead, and the conjuring. What about u?"

You: "The Thing, The Blackcoat’s Daughter, and the Babadook"

Her: "ooo I’ve never even heard of the blackcoat’s daughter, what’s that?"

You: "It’s a movie from A24, who also did The Witch. It’s an excellent slow-burner"

Her: "I love A24, I need to watch it!" ←This is a hook.

You: "We should 100% watch it sometime. What’s your number?"

Template 3: "What are you up to tonight?"

Template 3 is the boldest one, and it’s reserved for when you have an excellent rapport. You can tell if there’s really good energy right off the bad. When this is the case, you already have your hook, so you can move even faster than usual and don’t worry about waiting for the perfect opportunity to transition.

Take this example where two people feel familiar enough with each other to be edgy and fun immediately.

Her: "You look like a cartoon character in a hot way"

You: "LMFAO thank you"
You: "you look like you just heard your MKUltra activation phrase"

Her: "lol yeah but that’s just my latent autism"

You: "hell yes I knew I swiped right for a reason"

Her: "😭"
Her: "btw is it a thing that girls like hand tattoos? I think thinking about how I wished there was a good photo of your hand and them there it was"

You: "yes I think men’s hands are attractive to women. And I think tattoos should draw attention to beautiful parts of the body"
You: "what are you up to tonight btw?"

Template 3 also applies to situations where two people realize they have something in common that’s rare to the point of being exciting. In the example below, a girl says in her bio she plays World of Warcraft. Two people happen to play World of Warcraft, (as the girl pointed out in her bio. It turns out they also happened to play on the same server out of many dozens of servers, which is a very rare occurrence.

You: "Yooo what are your WoW characters?"

Her: "I play a druid and a priest! What about you"

You: "Nice I’m a druid too. What server are you on?"

Her: "I play on eredar!"

You: "WHAT. No fucking way"
You: "I play on eredar too"

Her: "Omg stop."
Her: I’ve played there for years!"

You: "Ok we need to get a drink this weekend or something"
You: "what’s your number? Mine is 555-555-1214"

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Get Her Number & Schedule a Date

The purpose of Tinder is to get her number as fast as possible. The purpose of getting her number is to secure a date. Neither of these communication methods are for chit-chat or for getting to know her—that’s what the date is for!

Once you have her number, send a text saying something like, "Hey it’s [your name] from tinder." She’ll probably text back soon after saying something similar.

Once she’s replied to verify that it’s her, if you haven't already asked, then ask if she wants to do some activity with you sometime. Once she indicates interest in doing that, ask if a certain day or a certain part of the week works for you. If she agrees to a date, then don’t bother texting her until the day-of unless you have a logistics reason to do so.

On the day of the date, a few hours before, send a reminder text along the lines of: "looking forward to seeing you tonight," or, "we still on for drinks at 7?" This will make sure she doesn’t forget or that you don't get ghosted after showing up.

Voilà! You now have a date!

Reignite Ghosted Convos

Very often, Tinder matches suddenly go quiet in the middle of a promising exchange. On one hand, that’s kind of the nature of the app: people find someone else, get distracted by life, and so on.

On the other hand, there are ways to revive these dead Tinder conversations.

Address the Ghosting Without Being Butthurt

Ghosting is a bit rude, even to strangers. So it’s the elephant in the room that you should recognize without looking butthurt about it. Here are some light and fun lines that do just that.

Here’s a universal line. It addresses her bad behavior with a facetious suggestion about what the explanation must be. It might look stupid, but it works really well.

  • "Did you get kidnapped"

If she comes back and ghosts again, you can even say:

  • Did someone kidnap u (again)?"

In a situation where she had expressed some kind of interest in a specific thing or activity, you can playfully suggest that she must have fled the conversation because she actually hates that.

  • "Wow I guess you hate sushi"
  • "I guess you actually hate horror movies wow"

Make Her Curious to Bait a Reply

People naturally want answers when they see something that’s offbeat or intriguing.

You can even make stuff up or bend the truth, but avoid doing that about serious things. Some examples:

  • "Weird I saw you outside today"
  • "I saw someone who looked like you today"
  • "Uhh did you see the news??"

Or even just send a funny/stupid/disappointed looking gif to ignite your Tinder chat again.

At the end of the day: don’t take Tinder too seriously. Don’t take dating too seriously either; if you focus on having fun with it, you’ll become a fun person, and fun people are magnetic. And you want to be magnetic to do well in the dating world.

Reignite Tinder Convos

Use AI to revive ghosted convos and secure dates.

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