We've all been there. You're out and about, meeting new people, and sometimes, despite feeling off your game, interactions flow effortlessly. Other times, when you feel on top of the world, people seem closed off. What's the secret? It often boils down to something called "state."
From my observations, our state of being consists of both internal and external elements, ideally in sync. However, when there's a disconnect, we find ourselves in a "fake state." Depending on life's events and our habits, this fake state can last for days, even years, leading to a disconnect from our true selves. Many people live in these states, feeling unfulfilled and unable to express themselves authentically.
A fake state is essentially a mask we wear over our true feelings. It's useful in professional and social settings, where positivity and enthusiasm are expected. But when the gap between our real and fake states grows too wide, especially when approaching someone attractive, it becomes problematic.
Women, often more attuned to emotional subtleties than men, can sense this disconnect. Approaching someone attractive heightens our anxiety, which, combined with our inner tension, makes us appear unsure or overly guarded. This signals to others that we're not ready for the connection we're attempting to create, causing them to close off.
The solution is not a simple fix, but meditation, introspection, and thoughtful planning can help maintain a healthy internal state. However, there's also a practical test you can use to gauge your state before engaging with others.
The Steadiness Check
Find a quiet moment at home. Sit or stand comfortably, relax, breathe steadily, and observe your internal state. Is it steady or anxious? A steady state, even if not overly positive, indicates a healthy baseline. If it's anxious, it's a sign that there's internal tension to address before engaging with others.
When performing the Steadiness Check, take a few deep breaths and allow your mind to settle. As you focus inward, consider how your emotions are flowing. Are they moving calmly and evenly, or do they feel like they're in turmoil? The goal is to achieve a sense of balance where your internal emotions match your outward demeanor.
Practicing the Steadiness Check in Social Settings
Once you've practiced this at home, the next step is to take it into the real world. When you're out, find a moment to pause and repeat this exercise in a social setting. Relax and observe your reaction as you look around, especially at attractive people. A stable state means your internal and external selves are aligned. If tension builds, your states may be out of sync, making interactions less effective.
This check serves as a personal barometer for your current emotional state. If you find yourself feeling anxious or tense, take a moment to breathe and realign your internal and external states. With practice, you'll be able to quickly assess and adjust your state, allowing you to approach interactions with confidence and authenticity.
Even if you feel great, if your initial interactions are negative, it can be hard to recover. It's better to start slow, focus on socializing, and let your natural state emerge. Approaching people shouldn't feel like emotional roulette. Instead, view it as an opportunity to engage with others in a genuine and meaningful way.
Embracing Your Real Self
The trick is embracing your true state, even if it's not ideal. Instead of masking it, allow your emotions to show. Authenticity is attractive. When you're genuine, women will notice and appreciate your natural expression. This authenticity creates a foundation for genuine connections and allows others to see the real you.
Regularly approaching people is easier when your internal and external states are in harmony. While maintaining a positive state requires effort, it's crucial to recognize when you're out of balance. This awareness helps you approach social situations with confidence and authenticity.
By understanding and managing your state, you'll enjoy richer interactions and explore the world of dating with more ease and success. You'll find that by being present and authentic, your interactions become more rewarding, and you can explore this world full of opportunities with enthusiasm and energy.