"From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me."
That’s a quote from the Adeptus Mechanicus tech-priest Reditus, right? WRONG. It’s actually a quote from "Reddit-us," the redditor incel who resides within us all. He’s disgusted by his own animal side because of the accompanying romantic yearnings and his lack of ability to satisfy them. He wants to escape his flesh. But what if… he could find harmony with it?
But instead of falling into despair, we can apply the cold logic of the Machine and be strategic about women. Whether you’re trying to make something happen with a crush you already know or you want to approach new girls, these tactics all apply.
Obey Your Commissar
If you’re given an order from one of the Imperium’s unyielding commissars, hesitation equals death.
When you’re approaching a girl, hesitation also equals death – at least, the death of your chances with her. So here's the rule your inner commissar must have: if you see a girl you want to flirt with, you must take action in three seconds or not at all.
This is because the longer you wait, the more your brain mutinies against you and you lose your nerve. You’ll start second-guessing, overthinking, coming up with excuses – convincing yourself that she “looks busy,” that the setting “isn’t right,” that “you’ll do it later.” All this does is make you an uncool, stuttering mess of anxiety and second-guessing.
So, the rule is simple: if you see her, act within three seconds. No delays. No hesitation. No mental debates about “what to say.” Just move.
- Do not wait for the perfect conditions, because there will never be perfect conditions. The moment you see her, start walking toward her immediately and say something. If you stop to think, you've already lost. Take a leap of faith and act immediately or move on.
“Let faith trample reason.”
- Trust that action creates confidence, not the other way around. Most guys mistakenly believe they need to “feel confident” before they approach. That’s like a guardsman saying he’ll charge after he feels brave. False. Confidence is built by taking action despite fear. You act first, the confidence follows.
“Courage is the Emperor’s gift.”
- Overthinking the first words is a trap. Your opener doesn’t need to be suave, it just needs to be there. Approaching is the goal, not delivering a “cool guy” line. Even something simple like, “Hey, I saw you standing there and had to come say hi,” works better than standing frozen.
“Blessed is the mind too small for doubt.”
- With every second of hesitation, your morale gets worse and it becomes harder to act. If you don’t move within three seconds, drop the approach entirely and take the loss. This builds discipline – your brain learns that waiting means no approach at all, training you to act faster.
"Timidity begets indecision; indecision begets treachery."
- Momentum is your ally. The first approach of the day is always the hardest, but once you do one, the next is easier, even – especially – if you strike out. By the third or fourth, you won’t even be thinking about it anymore.
“The same hammer that shatters the glass, forges the steel.”
So, obey your inner commissar. If you see a girl you want to flirt with, act. Half-measures are worse than no-measures. If you hesitate, then it’s time to move on and live with the regret.
“A coward's only reward is to live in fear another day.”
Be the Navigator, not the Sorcerer
Picture this: a roiling, ever-shifting expanse of energy and emotion, where reason crumbles under the weight of forces beyond comprehension. A realm of symbol and metaphor rather than the mechanical logic of the universe. One moment, it is serene, intoxicating, drawing you in with the promise of possibility. The next, it lashes out in a maelstrom of contradiction.
And yet, despite the peril, despite the madness, you will return to it again and again. You will tell yourself you can master it, that this time, you will not be led astray by its charm.
I just described the Warp from Warhammer 40k, right? WRONG. I just described a woman.
So, don’t attempt to understand women using logic. Use feelings, intentions, presence. A woman, like the Warp, does not abide by the rigid cause-and-effect structure that men so often rely upon. If you try to chart a straight path through her emotions, expecting clear and predictable outcomes, you will find yourself lost, battered by unseen currents, dragged into eddies of frustration.
Become the Navigator, not the Sorcerer. A man who seeks to control the Warp will be torn apart by it, but a man who learns to ride its tides – who trusts his own instincts, feels the shifts in energy, and responds with calm certainty – can go where others dare not. Like the Warp was before the coming of Chaos, a woman’s emotions are neither good nor bad; they simply are. Do not fight them and don’t get bitter about them. View emotional shifts as a test of your confidence.
A weak man will flinch at the first gust of unpredictability, trying to fix or rationalize what he cannot control. A strong man embraces the storm with an unshaken presence. When she lashes out, when she shifts moods without warning, when she tests you with contradictions, she is not seeking an explanation – she is seeking to feel your strength. She is watching to see if you will crumble, if you will become as unstable as the forces around you, or if you will remain a pillar of certainty in an unpredictable world.
Be Mysterious Like 40k Lore
Who are the Lost Primarchs? What exactly are machine spirits? What is even the origin of the Emperor himself?
Some things in Warhammer 40k are never meant to be explained. They’re meant to be alluring mysteries that are there to make you continue to think about the setting and its stories deep into the night.
If 40k just explained everything up front, it wouldn’t be enticing, and therefore it wouldn’t have an entire dead forest worth of books written about it. Stories don’t work without a little bit of mystery – they have to keep the reader wanting to turn the page to see what comes next. And 40k is a story of stories.
And people? People are stories. You are a story. Your goal this is to be a good story – and that means being intriguing. So when you’re talking to a girl, say a little less than you need to. Hold back – not in a standoffish or distant way, but in a fun way that invites her to dig deeper. The moment she starts wondering about you, trying to fill in the blanks, you’ve won.
Most guys, when they get a little attention, start explaining themselves like a freaking Codex entry. They dump their whole life story, their job, their childhood trauma, and what brand of protein powder they use – thinking it makes them relatable. It doesn’t. It kills the mystery. When a story gives you everything at once, it stops being interesting.
When she asks about you, answer in a way that creates more questions. Here are some examples:
- If she asks, “What do you do for work?” don’t drop a dull, matter-of-fact, servitor-like answer. Instead, give a response that makes her wonder. “I deal with things most people don’t even know exist.”
- If she asks where you're from, don’t just name a city – say, “Somewhere I don’t think I’ll ever quite escape from.” She’ll lean in, trying to figure you out, and that’s exactly what you want.
This doesn’t mean being totally impenetrable: as time goes on from the flirting stage you should add more lore about yourself, but do it the 40k way: more lore content is satisfying but it also never closes the door to speculation.
“Are machine spirits a superstitious metaphor for AI? Did Dark Age of Technology humans find a way to bend warp-souls into machines? Are they from the Void Dragon of Mars?”
There are so many explanations to this mystery that nerds buy entire books and spend hundreds of hours on wikis and subreddits pondering the answer. You must be like a machine spirit. Give her just enough intriguing details to keep her invested, but never enough to fully explain yourself. Let her mind do the work of turning you into a fascinating mystery. She should be saying to herself: “I need to get to the bottom of him.”
The pull of the mystery will always be more alluring than its resolution.
Know When to Withdraw
(No, not that kind of withdrawal.) By “withdraw” I mean knowing when an engagement isn’t working for you and knowing when to bow out.
Moving on when a girl isn’t interested is chad behavior. Think about it: does a gigachad get all butthurt about one measly rejection? No! He knows he has so many awesome opportunities that he remains completely unbothered, gently smiling in fact. So when an encounter doesn’t go your way, don’t get pissy or pushy, because that’s what an impotent incel does. The longer you delay moving on to a win, the longer you sag with the weight of defeat. So be aware of her signals and move on if she isn’t receptive.
Be like an Ork. As much as they love war, even Orks don’t blindly commit to losing engagements. If they retreat, they simply live to have the opportunity to win somewhere else. Orks are mirthful through it all, and that’s an extremely attractive quality to emulate in romance.